So... I don't fit into your box now?
You'd rather stick me on a shelf then hear me out.
I don't play by your rules,
and you call me a fool.
I say: you can't see my heart - and-
good thing you're not God...
God is faithful. GOD IS faithful.
You know, about two months ago, a severe tragedy hit my family, and it centered around my children. And though I was half expecting it, nothing could have prepared me for the pain I saw in my child's eyes. I nearly lost my mind from the grief, and I sinned, yep, I did. I was devastated and angry and frustrated and I blamed God for what happened. You know what, it took me a few weeks, but I recovered. I repented and when THAT SAME TRAGEDY struck my youngest child - instead of running from God I ran to Him. I told Him I would trust His goodness in the midst of the pain and chaos. But you know the beauty of it all? God could take my anger, God knows my weaknesses, He knows my imperfections, He heard the broken heart cry of a desperate mother grieving for her child.... and though I sinned in my doubting His goodness and love He saw through that to my heart, and loved me in spite of it. Better yet, He didn't and doesn't hold it against me. Nor does He use it as a measuring stick of my Spiritual maturity or faith. People do... and I wrestle with that.
People are imperfect - people don't see my heart, sometimes because they won't stop talking long enough to hear me, other times because they simply refuse to... they're right, I'm wrong end of story. But you know what? That's ok. I'm imperfect too. Some of the greatest men of God doubted His goodness and His compassion, some could not be comforted or see His mercy. When King David's world was falling apart He didn't think God cared. King Asaph questioned God's fairness. Thomas refused to believe and rest in the truth until Jesus was standing before him and he touched Him. Yet, David was called a man after God's own heart and Thomas was one of the 12, and the only Apostle believed to preach outside the Roman Empire. God did not judge these men and point fingers at their imperfect human hearts, no, He showed compassion, He was patient, and He met them where they were. AND He used them to shape history.
Not that I'm a history maker or world changer... but, you get my point..
I'm studying Job with my boys right now, and it's humbling. To see Job stand firm in His faith, to admit to my children, that you know what? boys, mommy is NOTHING like Job... it'll bring you to your knees and make you plead with God for a faith that stands firm. So we do, the boys and I, on our nights together we pray that God will help us trust Him. That we will be full of integrity like Job, and trust God when things are good and happy, and trust Him still when things are hard and sad.
And... right now, things are hard and sad. Very hard and sad. Unfortunately most of the pain comes from judgement and misunderstandings, or the simple refusal of people to see another point of view, or admit that perhaps THEY DON'T KNOW the whole story. When in all honesty the whole story is none of their business. And just like that in a blink of an eye, those people you've known for years decide that you're not capable of making a Godly or wise decision, they make statements that subtly or blatantly disregard your grief, thoughts and feelings. And you're left scratching your head wondering... what the heck just happened? I make a decision you don't understand or agree with and somehow I am now less of a person, and you don't even speak to me like we're on equal levels anymore. My feelings, my experiences, and the fact that I've brought it before the Lord are a moot point and essentially fall on deaf ears...
But really those are MY imperfections... I care far too much what people think. I don't stand up for myself and I let other people bully me or manipulate me into making decisions I don't want to make. But this life is a journey, it's about change, and progress and growth. If I have peace and I've brought something to the Lord in prayer and my conscious is at rest then what other people think, feel and say should not sway me. Could I end up being wrong, sure, and I admit that. But my friend, you could just as easily end up being wrong as well.
I guess my point is, before you go trying to mold someone into what YOU think they need to be, remember it is the LORD who does the work on their heart, not you. It is the Lord's job to graft us and shape us into what HE wants us to be. Besides He'll do a much better job then you or I could even dream of doing.
So I say again, God is faithful. Though other's may fail me, or leave me, or push me aside. My God will not. Though I may look alone, and at times feel alone. I am not. Because God is faithful and I can trust His promises.
So I say again, God is faithful. Though other's may fail me, or leave me, or push me aside. My God will not. Though I may look alone, and at times feel alone. I am not. Because God is faithful and I can trust His promises.
