Yep... my boy is growing up. Something incredibly hard about seeing your first born become more independent. When exactly did this happen? And can I make it stop, or at the very least slow it down? I think what makes seeing Aidan grow up especially difficult is the reminder that I missed all these stages with V, we are far past the era of V ever "needing" his mommy. In fact, we're probably far past the age where he'd even call me mommy. That hurts, and I find it rather stinky.
But back to the topic at hand. Vlad may be the oldest, but Aidan was the first "born" which makes for a different sort of dynamic but it works for us... and I think there is always something extra special between a mama and her first born, especially if it's a son. And so when Aidan started choir in September and was dismissed from the congregation after the children's sermon (when all the kids gather at the front of the sanctuary to be taught by one of the pastors for 5-10 minutes) and was to walk from the sanctuary to another building by himself (with the other kids and choir directors) and started crying, LOUDLY as he walked down the middle isle all the way out... and I raced from the balcony to my little boys rescue to see what was the matter I was met with the sweetest words ever "I was scared mommy, I needed you, I want you to come with me". Okay, yes, it was just a tad embarrassing to have him make a small scene as he walked out, but I quickly forgot about that as my heart swelled hearing him say he needed me! YES!!! He's still my little boy. The following week, I told him to let me know BEFORE heading downstairs for the children's sermon if he needed me to go with him again. He said nothing before leaving, so I assumed he was fine. As soon as the sermon was over and the kids were dismissed, Aidan looked up at the balcony and yelled, YES YELLED "I don't need you mom"....
Have you ever been to a Presbyterian church? You don't make noise. No one says "Amen" or "preach it brother" and while the evening service, the one we attend is a bit more relaxed then morning worship, the congregation remains quiet (as I think they should) because they are there to learn.... so uh, let's just say Aidan broke the mold that evening, though it did elicit a few chuckles and a couple of sympathy glances from other mom's. But more then that... OUCH!!! In just a weeks time he went from being frantic and tearful without me, to completely confident and ready to announce to the world that he doesn't need me... It hurt... and it got me to thinking... they're are other days coming, that will be seemingly ordinary to begin with yet will end up with, "mommy, I don't want to hold your hand anymore, is that ok?" or "mommy, please don't kiss me anymore" or when I'm told I can't call him by his nickname anymore... All these days are coming much too quickly I fear...
But for now, he still calls me mommy, he still loves to hold my hand, he still asks for kisses... repeatedly. He's still my chubber buggie and I'm still his. He still tells me I'm his best friend, and he still climbs into bed and snuggles Darren and I almost every morning, well, that's when Darren's here anyway. And so I treasure these moments... all too quickly they'll be gone. Reminds me of one of my favorite books (notice I said MY favorite, not the kids favorite) by my favorite author, Karen Kingsbury. It's titled Let me hold you longer.
And though Darren doesn't ever mention it I think the rate at which the kids grow gets to him too, especially when he's so busy with work, like he is now. He hates being gone so much, that's why days like today are so special. He got to spend all morning just with Aidan at the YMCA football clinic. Put on by the Y and run by Clemson's Woody Danztler. Pretty cool! Aidan was so excited when he left with his daddy (a.k.a his buckaroo) this morning. And when he came home, he was excited to tell me about what they did!
I love my kids! sooooo much! I wish V was home to have special days like today with his dad too... I don't want him to have to continue to wait, he should be home. now.
Pictures from the day to follow.