Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
I have heard this song SO many times over the last six months and probably shed tears each time because it was sooooooo EXACTLY where I was, and... where I still am, depending on the day, the time, the situation, and the people involved. The difference now is that there ARE those, albeit few, that I trust enough to be completely totally honest with. It's risky, they may think less of me. They may see my weaknesses, they may see my ick... but they LOVE me, FOR ME. These precious people God has given me actually WANT me to be real, and honest, they WANT to be there for me and WITH me... they don't want the pat answer that everything is fine, and our adoption journey has a storybook fairytale ending. Yes there are some people I'll always wear a mask around, BUT there are others who continue to shatter my walls and creep closer to my heart, daily .
They are the most beautiful people in my life.
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so gut-wrenchingly honest with how things are going! I am SO PROUD OF YOU! Please know that when you are ready to talk, I am ready to listen. At the same time, I want to give you the space you need. However, please know that we are praying for you and the family daily and you are never far from our thoughts. WE LOVE YOU, RESPECT YOU, AND KNOW HOW TRULY SPECIAL YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So glad we found each other! You CAN do this and it will get better. Or you will learn to accept and move on. Your kids will be okay and you will be stronger. Believe it.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to be transparent, isn't it? There is a very real, and very specific reason God placed these special people in your life...even it it is only for a season. You trust them, and now - that is what you need.
ReplyDeleteLisa,
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you. I also want to let you know that I feel that your adoption journey isn't over yet and it just may have that fairytale ending!! I can't wait to see how God continues to work in your life!!
Oooh, I LOOOOVE Casting Crowns! That song is a good one. It is so perfect for what you are feeling right now! We love you, Lisa!!!
ReplyDelete