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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Esau and Jacob, Lisa and Lorelei

Okay, so I don't actually know a Lorelei, but that's not the point.

I'm convinced I'm Esau. Ok, not really. Obviously I'm not a man, I'm definately NOT a hunter, nor am I  red all over and covered in hair.

However, for no reason whatsoever God chose to hate Esau. It's true. The Bible says so. In Romans. Romans chapter 9 to be exact.

"And not only this; but when Rebecca also had conceived by one, even by our father Isaac; (for the children being not yet born, neither having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to elevetion might stand, not of works, but of him that calleth;) It was said unto her, the elder shall serve the younger. As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid. For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on who I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion. So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy. For the scripture saith unto Pharaoh, Even for this same purpose have I raised thee up, that I might shew my power in thee, and that my name might be declared throughout all the earth. Therefore he hath mercy on whom he will have mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth."

God also apparently hates me. No really, I'm obedient to what I felt God was calling our family too. Our family sacrifices and sacrifices and sacrifices. And yet God shows no mercy, no compassion.

It's ok. Really. I get it. He's God, he can do whatever he wants. He can love who he wants, and he can hate who he wants. And he can harden whoever's heart he wants, even if that person is asking him not to. He doesn't need a reason, Understood.


  1. But of course you know I have a lot to say about this...but honestly, I am WAY too tired and unable to form complete sentences that make coherent sense...did that make sense? So, stay tuned!

  2. That is SOOO NOT TRUE OF YOU! God does not hate you!. You are thinking from faulty doctrine. I know, I know, Calvinist "power" verse. Christ came into the world to save us from our sin. The truth is, any one who comes to the Son is NOT rejected by the Father. If your proof text is God's only criteria for righteousness, then why did Christ come to earth? What about sin, it just doesn't matter? The whole New Testament is worthless and you might as well be a Muslim, because there is no Savior or forgiveness in Islam and you have no way to tell if God will send you to heaven or hell. Now, I say this with love and gentleness.....please turn to the Lord and seek His face. You have done nothing wrong, but you are letting your emotions get the best of you.

  3. Anonymous- I think you missed my point. My post in no way had anything to do with the topic of salvation. I don't think I even mentioned it. My post was about love vs. hate. About compasssion and mercy vs. a hardheart. And that an individual cannot will those things from God upon themselves.

    I would will God to have compassion and mercy on me in this struggle, he chooses not too. I would will God to let me feel His love, He choose not to. I would will God to let me trust Him, He chooses not to. I would will God to let me keep a soft heart, He chooses not to. THAT was my point.

    He can make those choices, and say NO to whom he chooses to say NO to. And He can alternately say YES to the person living right next door. So that one person is blessed and prosperous and without hardship, while the other struggles continuously.

    Turn to the Lord and seek His face? I'll just bite my tongue on that one.


  4. If you are in Christ you are not hated. You don't understand your position in Christ. Esau and Jacob verse applies to the Nations and to service, not individuals. Google "Bob Hill Romans 9:13" and also read Malachi 1. God is talking about the Nations. He does not HATE those in Christ. I know it was not about salvation. My point is , he does not hate those who are saved! Yes, He may say no to a prayer request. He won't necessarily do for us what we can do for ourselves or answer selfish prayers. Not that you have asked anything selfish. Remember, we walk by faith and not by sight. Christ said those who have not seen and believe are more blessed. We are not robots, he gives us free will. It is hard, but we must choose to love sometimes. You know Corinthians 13, love is not a feeling. God shows us His love through Scriptures and through other people. Do you have people reaching out to you now? He is showing you His love through the Body! Now. HE LOVES YOU, LISA. I know it's been hard, BUT HE LOVES YOU!! When I said to turn to the Lord and seek His face, I just meant cry out to Him, even in anger and wait on Him, HE LOVES YOU. Don't worry about the wicked prospering, one day they will "get theirs". Those christians who are prospering, have they stepped out in faith like you? Probably not. I am sure you are familiar with James 1. You are doing something precious that is dear to the Lord, saving an orphan. The devil hates that! This IS spiritual warfare! The Lord does not see you as you are thinking He does. It is a lie from Satan. God cherishes you and you are precious to Him!

  5. Whoa... anonymous. First of all, if you're going to be so BOLD have the guts to say who you are.

    Secondly, your first post was entirely revolving around the issue of SALVATION-which again, had NOTHING to do with what MY post was about. And now you are saying you knew that??? What?

    Thirdly,I am a Calvinist, it appears you are not. Therefore we are not going to see eye to eye on doctrine.

    Fourthly, you assume I HAVEN'T cried, yelled, kicked and screamed at God!?!?! And then done that again and AGAIN. Are you serious? I should just wait? Really? I know all too well about waiting.

    Sometimes God will say no to a prayer request? Won't do for us what we can do for ourselves. Selfish prayers? I bite my tongue.

    We're not robots? I don't even know what that means or how it's relevant.

    Yes, people are reaching out. I've connected with other mom's who've been there. Who GET IT. BUT their other children have been exposed to and put through things that are HORRIFIC. Some of their marriages have ended. Some of their children end up in institutions here in the US. These moms are willing to make some sacrifices I am NOT willing to make.

    As for the rest. I bite my tongue..again.

  6. LIsa, I am so sorry, please don't be offended. You are in a super hard emotional place. I just wanted to encourage you. I know you probably have a lot of anger at this difficult time. ! I am sorry, I truly was just trying to encourage you, but you won't see it. You just get offended. I am sure you have cried to God many times. I assumed nothing, I was just encouraging you to keep doing it. Things do change, sometimes it just takes a very long time! You know the keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking. I am sorry that you are not understanding my writing, forgive me. Maybe I am just a bad communicator.

    You are right, I am not a Calvinist. But, I am a born-again Christian.

    And I know you know that sometimes we pray and pray and God says "no" or is silent. I'm not sure why that is offensive. And God won't do things that we can do for ourselves. I have learned that God won't necessarily give me something or some emotion that I could do but am being hardhearted or lazy about. Again, not saying you have done this. This trying to encourage you with things I have learned from my mistakes. I specifically said that you haven't made selfish prayers, so I'm not sure why that was offensive. I'm sorry.

    As for robots and the rest...I am talking about the feelings for our kids. I learned the hard way and am still learning. I must love like Corinthians 13 even if I don't "feel" love. Hardest thing to do, ever!

    The end of my comment, not sure what was offensive. I was really trying to encourage you with God's love "God cherishes you and you are precious to Him" I'm sorry, but I really wanted you to know that He does.

    How can I be so bold, I AM one of those moms and a "big" sister in Christ. (I also couldn't post anyother way, I don't have the other accounts) Again, I am sorry that I offended you. I was just so worried for you and everything you are going through now. I have been praying for you all day.

    I won't comment or bother you anymore. I am so sorry...I love you, God loves you. You can unfriend me, I will understand.

    Stacey Rigaud

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  8. I have often been mad that God would choose me for the crazy hard work. "why me? It's so unfair! Why can't I have the life I want?". Thankfully I do believe he loves us more than we know and thankfully I trust he will make good out of the bad. But, I do relate and sometimes I'm scared I won't trust him and will lose my mind, I had six months of that this year, but I do believe we survived. I pray you will too.

  9. Lemme see if I can get my thoughts coherent:

    Think of this trauma on you, your son, and your family like a really bad sunburn. Life/adoption happened and now your family is burned. It's not going to heal overnight. It's going to hurt worse before it gets better. That's the nature of sunburns and living with trauma.

    God doesn't hate you--he just can't undo trauma. Trauma is what's causing pain--RAD is causing pain. Christ's love is the salve that will heal your family's pain. But like aloe on a sunburn, it's not going to heal that pain overnight. It's going to hurt for a long time as it heals.

    I walked much the same road with our RADling. He's threatened our marriage, he's made me into a horrible person at times. It sucks. It hurts.

    and it gets better. I promise.

  10. Lisa, I admire you for talking straight from your heart! Too many times we who depend on Christ to form us and shape us refuse to say it like it REALLY is.

    No Bible verses to toss at you. Just know that He is God. And that He uses us in our weakness. I have a story to tell you.

    The other day I had lunch with a friend and I just "unloaded" on her about someone I was very angry at. When I got in the car and drove away I felt overwhelming guilt. I had completely failed God.

    As I drove I asked Him if somehow he could turn my unkind words (weakness) into His strength. What else could I do?

    Lisa, when I got home I turned on my computer and the gal I lunched with told me I was her "heart" friend...and she had very few of them.

    WHAT??? Me??? In my ugly, judgemental state?

    I knew then that God heard my prayer, because there was NO WAY he could have used me. I thought.

    But His thoughts? They were higher than mine. You are His. And I am His. No matter what.

    It is a privilege to be at my desk this minute and lift you up to Him.

    Which I will do right now. 6/23/11 - 10:20 a.m.

    My name is Pat...God's broken vessel, recharged and renewed because of Him...not because of anything I can are loved, Lisa...somehow, someway, you are loved...

  11. I think what you need more than anyone's judgement is this:
    You need to know in your head that I love need to know that I care care you, you also need know that I have ears to listen, and arms to reach out to.

    Judgement. which can be called "opinion" and drives me crazy...don't make comments or judge unless you have BEEN other words - in this case - IN your home, met V, spent time with him, known you for personally for YEARS. And that is all I am going to say about that!

  12. Your post here is loaded with so much. The depth of her pain and confusion is palpable. It hurts to read you grasping for something that makes sense. Somehow, someway, you need to hear God's heart.

    You have been in the desert so long that you think water is a hallucination. You long to feel God's love, yet it seems like a joke.
    This must feel like the deepest of pits. Thank God He is waiting for the moment you want to be pulled out! And until then, many MANY will be praying for you.