Forced positivity

Okay, here's a little exercise in uh, well, in some extreme digging and searching and struggling to find that needle in the haystack. Or pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, yes, that's more like it, as everyone knows the pot of gold is fictional and therefore ENTIRELY impossible. Yet, one could conceivable find a needle in a haystack if they had an enormous amount of patience, and spare time on their hands. I happen to be lacking in both of those areas, not to mention, what kind of moron throws a needle in a haystack anyway? Don't they know the minute they do that they'll need the flipping needle to darn their kids socks? Because of course said kids continue to wear their socks outside after being told, oh, I don't know, only A MILLION times NOT to.

Alrighty, off the bunny trail. Today, I am FORCING myself to find something positive, ANYTHING, no matter how BIG or small about our current situation. And, I am going to share it with you, because although things suck, really REALLY SUCK 99.9% of the time, I know there has to be a .1% somewhere that I am missing out on.

Um....

Ok, I got something. SV is at the YMCA-all day, every week day. Because I just CAN'T handle him being home. He is totally incapable of entertaining himself, or playing alone. He just CAN NOT do it. He will flip through books-though he COULD read beginner books-IF HE TRIED. He will pass lego pieces back and forth from hand to hand, he will draw the same picture over and over and over again. He will wander around the house from room to room like a lost little puppy, he will walk in circles like a puppy chasing it's own tail. I know that sounds harsh, and mean and even uncaring. BUT it's TRUE, and it's exhausting, and ok, it ANNOYS me. I admit it. I can't not entertain this child and provide structured activities all day long, I just can't, nor do I want to. Hence the YMCA day camp. He is there from 730am to 5pm Monday through Friday. This is a good thing for our WHOLE family. I feel like I can function like myself between these hours and be the mom that Aidan and Asher remember, I know they miss that mommy. Hell, I miss BEING that mommy. But something that makes me exceptionally happy, is that SV is getting to experience things at the Y daycamp that I KNOW he would have never experienced in Russia, I also know if he was home with me I would NEVER have the patience to take him to some of these places. Take SV horseback riding? Um, I don't think so. I'd rather eat squid, and seeing as how I am a vegetarian with severe food texture issues that should say alot. So, for me the Y is not just positive because I can function while he is there, but because he is getting to experience some really cool things that he otherwise wouldn't.

His language. He uses next to no Russian anymore. Originally we had hoped he would keep his native tongue. Now I am so THANKFUL he has lost it. The communication barrier was SO much harder when you couldn't decipher if he understood you. NOW, I KNOW he understands. On the other hand, that also brings more challenges because then the disobedience is downright defiance because he DOES understand. His vocabulary still needs to grow, and it will, but he speaks full, intelligent, comprehensible English sentences. This is good.

I shaved his head. Yes, I am really digging here, and I said no matter how big or small, I would share the positives. He has CRAZY hair. It actually has a really pretty wave to it, however, it grows at a superhuman speed. I was taking him to get his haircut and within a week he needed it cut again. And while it looked good "longer" he does this obnoxious thing where he rubs his head on the ground.. wait, no POSITIVES... Uh, so for reasons I won't mention his hair wouldn't stay "nice".  Plus, although it has a pretty wave to it, once it started growing back, or got "xyz'd" that I won't mention the back of it would stand up and he looked like a little peacock. The front would lay flat, and the back stuck straight up. So, one day I'd had it with "xyz" and the peacock effect and buzzed it all off. My bank account thanks me, which is a good thing. And he likes it. And I like it, now that he's stopped rubbing it CONTINUOUSLY.

He's slowed down with his eating, some. Not enough, but some. And some is better then none. So, that is another good thing.

Maybe I should do this once a week? Hmm... that may be pushing it. Perhaps once a month. Yes, I think that's a good idea. Once a month I shall sit down and report on "positives". It'll be good for me.

Thanks to those of you who reached out to me after my last post. And a special thanks to Courtney. I wept when I read your blog, especially your posts about older child adoption. Oh my gosh, there is another person out there who's been there, and that feels SO SO good to know.